Cold Guy

I miss you but I can't. 
You're too precious while I'm not. 
You're too perfect while I'm so imperfect.
You're really one in a million, unfortunately, you ain't mine.

I treat you like you are mine. In fact, you ain't mine.
I tell you every single thing, sorrow story, happy story, like you are mine but the reality is, you ain't mine.
I spam you like you are mine but you ain't mine.

I don't really know what to do. I just can't get rid of you.
How selfish I am. I just want to turn back the time,
If I could, I won't leave you, I swear to death.

How I wish, getting internet to come online very often was easy back then.
How I wish, the technologies was totally fine for me to come online and stay with you, all night long.
How I wish, I wasn't dumb to make such a fool decision which was to give up on you. 
How I wish, you were there in the reality while people kept on accusing me for falling in love with someone who did not exist. They said I was crazy, they did not believe over your existence. They spread out the news about me, I became one of their jokes. They left me, I was alone for the entire time and you weren't there because we were having some difficulties to reach each other.
I got banned , I was mentally abused by them.

This is the reason why I left you behind. Why I did not tell you at the first place? Because I know you won't believe in me anymore. I made myself look bad to you because I wanted you to hate me like most of the people that I know for so long did to me. 
I was so excited to see you again after for such a long time we hadn't been together but by the time flies, I had realized, you weren't mine on the day you met me on fb.

I wasn't acting like I loved you after I had dumped you and act so girly like wanting you back to be mine, no.
That was because I was excited but nervous at the same time as if I could feel the real me when I talked to you.

You were the best thing I ever had and I couldn't forget you.
You wouldn't read this blog, that's why I write everything in this blog of mine.

I will be happy if you never forget me, my figure and everything even for once a year.
 I really miss you, cold guy. I miss your jokes.

I literally forget how it feels to love and to be loved.
That's why I avoid myself from falling in love again.
Because I don't understand what love is.

Gdnight.